Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
