I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I have feelings that need drinking.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
