so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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