I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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