After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
