her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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