My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We need to get me chipped asap
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
