Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Randomize
