I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
