Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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