Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
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I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
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And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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