So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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