I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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