No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
