i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
