I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
