I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
