Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
