Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
