Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
