six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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