chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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