a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
