You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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