we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
