I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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