All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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