I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
