i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
