My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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