Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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