mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize