Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
