marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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