i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
