i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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