the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
