Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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