"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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