He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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