I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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