She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
