She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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