I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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