here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
