hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
im holly from the hills drunk
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
