So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
