we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
