i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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