I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
