so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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