i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
