I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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