I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
