the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
