so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
