would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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