I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
