If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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