Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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