he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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