Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
