I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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