are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
