You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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