i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
they're like a gay fantastic four
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
