The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
