I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
