Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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