I smell stomach acid.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
