There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
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I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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